7 Needs of a Starved Marriage

Last night Dale and I spent our Friday Date Night at the church at a fireside entitled "The 7 Needs of a Starved Marriage". We absolutely loved it and wanted to share what we learned:

Men's roles: Provide, protect, and preside
Women's roles: Nurture

1. Safety- Couples must feel safe:
- emotionally
- financially
- spiritually
- physically
- Men have huge egos that can get in the way when they communicate
- Women have egos too but don't let their egos get in the way of communication
- Men bond by ACTION
- Women bond by COMMUNICATING (this is why we love to talk!). Talking makes women feel safe.

**Being a marriage counselor, he spent quite a bit of time on this first subject. He said the reason people fight is because NEEDS are not being met- we aren't feeling SAFE. Most people dance around the real issue and have a lot of "smokey" fights. Smokey fights are never about the real issue. For example, we might fight about a partner who spends too much money, but the real issue is we don't feel safe financially with our partner. Or we might fight about a partner who spends too much time working...the issue isn't actually about the work, but about emotional needs not being met- it's an emotional safety issue.

2. Trust: We must trust each other emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. It's hard to love someone you don't trust.

3. Appreciation: Everyone feels appreciated differently. A great book to read as a couple is "The 5 Love Languages!"

4. Respect: Do you feel like a daughter of God and that he's a son of God?

5. Valid: Does your opinion feel validated?

6. Encourage: Do you feel encouraged by your partner?

7. Dedication: Long term dedication requires that we are dedicated to each other.

These are the 7 needs in a starved marriage, but what about the solution?

Solution: It seems like a no-brainer, and is much easier said than done, but Charity is your answer! Serve them! We MUST learn to be charitable to our partner.

How do you get charity? Service and prayer- He mentioned that we need to pray for ourselves and ask that we may see past our partner's faults.

At the end of the night he gave us a homework assignment (kindof a switch for me :)-

Cuddletime for 20 minutes every day for 3 weeks

Cuddletime rules:
1. No groping (this is a time to TALK with your partner :)
2. No griping (it's not a complaint session- just talk about you as a couple- not work, kids, etc.)

Dale and I loved his counsel and hope you can get something from it too!

The FHE of Death

I'm not usually the working out kinda gal...I prefer doing something crafty, experimenting with new recipes (yes, eating :) or watching CSI with Dale. Believe it or not, this hasn't always been the case. I used to run track in High School (I got sucked in by a very convincing and relentless Coach), and in College I even went to the gym fairly consistently. But those days have long since passed.

That is, until tonight when Dale and I had what I like to refer to as the "FHE of Death." Dale suggested we have a Physical Fitness FHE. He's been pretty good at keeping himself fit- He does his pushups and sit-ups pretty regularly, and then shows off his "lucky egg". No wonder he chose this activity...he's already a pro :). We got all ready in our workout gear (yes, that is Dale's tie he's wearing around his head as a headband in his pic), and then Dale started our training session.

He's pretty hard core. He even has a timer on his computer he uses to count down the minutes as we huffed, puffed and grunted our way into sore muscles. He had us doing pushups, sit-ups, and even leg throws until our legs and stomach muscles felt like jell-o. In all fairness, I've gotta admit that now that the torture is over I do feel good...not good enough to do it again anytime soon, but that "Workout High" is starting to kick in. So, I guess it was a successful FHE! Way to go my taskmaster hunny!

A Tribute to my Hunny...

I haven't been as dedicated to writing as I'd planned, but now that I'm off-track the time to blog has come! After the miracle I witnessed tonight (okay, so that may be a little dramatic, but it was a really neat experience), I've decided that it's time to tell my hunny how much I support his aspiration to become a piano performer and composer. Even though we all know he will be an absolute success in this field of work, I don't think I tell him enough how much I believe in him. Tonight is one of the many examples of WHY I know he will be victorious in his music endeavors.
A few weeks ago Dale was asked to create a "soundtrack" for a silent movie and play it live for a ward party. Dale agreed to do it, but here it was the night before his performance and he decided it was time to start working on the music. He created a playlist and practiced it all day today. Tonight we went to the church for his Silent Movie debut, which I was really looking forward to- I love any chance to show off my husband's amazing talent. However, when we arrived we discovered that the movie was 10 minutes longer than we had anticipated. As you can imagine, Dale was starting to get a little nervous, but being the Dale we all know and love, he shrugged his shoulders and said he'd wing it. I had probably watched and listened to him practice about a dozen times before seeing the live show, so I knew what he would be performing pretty well...and I started getting nervous for him when he hit the end of his playlist. I wasn't sure what he was going to do...the movie just kept going and going...but then the most incredible thing happened. His song would start to get intense right before the villan entered...he played upbeat music right as the fighting scene began...it was as though he watched the video a hundred times rather seeing these last few scenes for the first time right there during his performance. He never missed a beat. His performance was FLAWLESS. I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing. The music he was playing was completely improv...but it was like he had composed his songs to match exactly with what was happening in the video. I have never seen anything like it. I just kept thinking that had the audience known that his performance was composed right there on the spot they would have given him a standing ovation. I am in absolute awe of Dale's talent...I've always known he's talented...anyone who has ever listened to him play would testify of this, but tonight we both knew there was more to it than that. I asked him about it afterwards and he said it just flowed into his mind, and he knew exactly what to play. He compared it to the scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants that says "For it shall be given you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say"...but instead of "what to SAY," for him it was "what to PLAY." Now, being his wife, I admit that I may be just a LITTLE bit prejudiced in my opinion about his talent...obviously I think he's an absolutely incredible pianist, but his performance tonight completely blew me away. Keep it up hunny, I love you!!!

Happy New Year!

Finally...

Well, Dale has been informing me that it's about time I started a blog...I guess he's right, but just this once :). We have had a busy last couple of months! It's hard to believe Dale and I have already been married for 4 months, going on 5. It has gone by so fast! We have definitly kept ourselves busy! My sister ended up getting married in August, and I threw her a bridal shower. Dale and I are both glad to be done with weddings in our family for a while.



I had all of September off of school, and Dale and I decided it was time for our first camping trip as a married couple. We went with some of our friends to the Hope Campgroud. Dale and our friend Ryan made up this song about our campsite that still gets stuck in my head once in a while...something about "In the Hope Campground." We had a lot of fun, but when it started pouring Dale and I decided we're not really the "roughing it" type. We'll try camping again when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping :).

During my Fall break Dale and I went on a beautiful hike at Red Aspen Springs, up Little Cottonwood Canyon. I couldn't believe there was actually snow up there! I thought we were going to freeze for sure, but it didn't end up being too bad once I was huffing and puffing up those hills. Dale wanted me to help him build a snowman on the way down, but like I said, I'm not exactly the roughing it type, and we didn't have any gloves. He ended up building a tiny snowman, and his hands were all red and freezing when he was done. People passing us on the trail thought it was funny. We left the snowman there when we were done for everyone else to enjoy :).



It seems like life keeps getting busier and busier. I've been hitting the books pretty hard for the last month or so at school. I've gotta admit that I am super glad that Halloween is now over...I love dressing up and carving pumpkins and doing all the fun Halloweenish stuff, but I do NOT love Halloween as a school teacher! The kids get to come to school dressed up, and we have this huge Halloween parade where we all walk around the school so everyone can see the kids costumes...including a couple hundred parents. Lucky me, I got to lead my class in this parade. Sounds fun huh?
Dale and I had a lot of fun dressing up. We were Fred and Wilma Flinstone...I was worried the orange dye wouldn't come out of my hair. The first thing I did when I got home from the Halloween party we went to was wash it out! I guess if it hadn't come out, my kids at school would've gotten a kick out of my beautiful orange hair :). I've gotta admit, Dale makes a really good-lookin Fred!