Goodbye Grandpa...til' we meet again!

I don't even know where to begin about these last few weeks...I have cried more tears than I knew I could, said more prayers than I ever have, and felt more peace than I knew was possible. I have truly been blessed by my Heavenly Father's tender love.

A couple of weeks ago Dale and I went to visit my Grandpa at the Care Center he has been staying at. He'd been sick for a while and had just been moved from the Veteran's Hospital to this new place. As we walked in my Grandpa was sleeping, and I didn't really know what to do. I ended up waking him up, which I'm so glad now that I did. He seemed disoriented and didn't really know who we were, which was very surprising because he's been very lucid. It scared me. He kept asking my name, but he couldn't hear very well, and thought I said, "Peggy". Considering he doesn't know a Peggy, he was pretty confused. I'd ask him questions and he'd answer as if these were people I didn't know. He kept referring to my grandma as his "wife" as he politely told me about his daily activities. He told me how "his wife" would come visit him every day and how it "brightened up his life" (a famous grandpa saying). About halfway through our visit he said, "Okay, we need to get this figured out" and starting asking me all sorts of questions about who I was. Finally, as I told him I was a teacher, and that Dale played the piano, he made the connection. What relief! We talked about his pains and he happily gave me the "Neck Brace Countdown" (he had broken his neck 2 months earlier). He just wanted to have his neck "Brace Free" and to go home. He kept mentioning too how disoriented he felt. He couldn't see very well with the brace on, and never knew what time it was. He didn't know whether it was day or night. Before we left we promised we'd visit again soon and bring him a CD of Dale's music and a big clock...and Dale joked about bringing him a pizza too (Grandpa had been on a liquid diet for weeks because they were afraid he'd choke with the neck brace on). This was the last time I heard him laugh. It melted my heart.

This next part I still feel guilty about. It's my deepest regret, and I'd do ANYTHING to change it. Dale and I didn't have the chance to come back the next week (that was the week we lost our sweet little Mikkie). Then my sister and her husband had a baby blessing on Sunday, and Dale and I told my Grandma we'd go visit my Grandpa the next day, which was a Monday, and that we'd bring him his clock. My Aunt Dawn had offered to bring him one, but he'd refused, saying that I was going to. Monday was a long day. I got out of school around 6, then we came home and finished up some things and then got dinner ready. By the time we headed to the store to but the clock it was around 8:30. When we left the store I was tired, and I started to worry about waking up my Grandpa. This is when I started thinking maybe we'd visit the next day instead. I called my mom to make sure she thought my Grandpa was doing okay, and that he'd make it until the next day. We decided to wait, and we went to get pie at Village Inn instead (I feel awful about how selfish this was), thinking I would go on Tuesday with my sister. When I made this decision I felt a bad feeling creep deep in my heart. I don't even know how to describe it...it was an unsettled feeling...a feeling of almost despair. It didn't leave me all night. I prayed that night that things would work out and that I'd be able to visit my Grandpa the next day. As I was climbing into bed I told Dale I should've gone...I think somehow I knew then that things weren't right.

The next day I left school right at 4. Dale had made dinner before work, and we were just sitting down eating when my Mom called Dale's phone. She had tried calling me, but mine was still on silence from being at work. She asked if I had left to visit my Grandpa yet, and I told her I was going to drop Dale off at work and then head over. Then she told me that he had passed away earlier that day. I couldn't believe it...I broke down crying. I was so mad at myself! Why had I been so selfish the night before? I should've gone. I could've had one last visit. I talked to my mom for awhile, and then took Dale to work. I decided to go over to my Grandma's house and visit...though I was nervous how she'd react. For whatever reason I honestly believed in my heart that she'd be upset that I didn't go over when I said I would. As I walked in my Grandma was sitting in her chair watching T.V., but she got up and hugged me as I cried and told her how Sorry I was. She admitted it hadn't hit her yet. She was with him when he died, and she mentioned how peaceful it was. I needed that. As I was driving home later that night I knew that my Grandpa didn't want me to feel guilty...that he loved me, and that he was now pain free.

I am once again so grateful for the knowledge we have of Eternal Families. I have been reflecting a lot lately about our life here on earth, and the mission we have to fulfill. I don't know why we lost Mikkie and my Grandpa so close together, but it has really made me contemplate what I need to do to do to be able to be reunited with them. There's no doubt in my mind that they are once again with our Savior, and that gives me comfort...and peace.

Missing Mikkie...

I don't even know where to begin...it's been one of those weeks I wouldn't wish on anyone. Last Saturday Dale and I got the call that our sweet little niece Mikkie fell in the pool and wasn't breathing. Mikkie had been life flighted to the hospital and her parents were driving to the hospital to meet her. Dale and I knelt down in prayer and asked that Mikkie's life would be spared and that Laura and Tim would be comforted, but to let us be accepting of "His will." As Dale was praying a feeling of peace rested in my heart. I didn't say anything to Dale until we were on our way to the hospital...it was a definite peace that radiated through me, but was it an assurance that she'd live or comfort to accept the unthinkable? As I told Dale how I was feeling, he said he had a similar experience. We both assumed that meant our sweet little Mikkie would be okay. But Heavenly Father must have needed her in Heaven, because she passed away a short while later. My heart ached for for her sweet parents and 3 year old sister, and still does...but I am SO grateful for the gospel in my life. What a truly great blessing it is to know that if we live worthily we will one day be reunited with her and that her sweet little family will be intact for eternity.